Santa walks into a library
Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?" Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library." Santa whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"
Santa was drawing money from
Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. Its ****. Sant: U r wrong. Its 1394.
Teacher: I want you to
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu: Life imprisonment!
Santa ke bagiche mein bahut
Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paude thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
Teacher: What should be in
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
An Englishman and Santa inside
An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Gud evening, we open the zip and do.
Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan
Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM
Santa dials a number. A
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
Santa: Sir hun meri salary
Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada diyo, mera vyah ho gaye hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi
Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend
Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.
Pappu was writing his father's
Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
An Englishman and Santa inside
An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Gud evening, we open the zip and do.
Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna
Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna Lake?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Banta?
Santa: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.
Gurdas Maan: Santa ji, aapke
Gurdas Maan: Santa ji, aapke bhai ki shaadi mein kitne gaane gaane hain, us hisab se rate lagega?
Santa: 2-3 gaa kar prg shuru kar dena, baad mein sharabi baraat ne generator ki awaaz par hi naachte rehna hai
Santa sent a SMS to
Santa sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Couple of seconds later he received a report on his phone and he started to dance. The report said: 'Delivered'
Gal to Banta: Kya shaadi
Gal to Banta: Kya shaadi k baad bi tum muje itna pyar karoge?
Banta: Kyon nahin? Mein to diwana hoon shadi-shuda aurton ka.
Jeeto: Kal raat tum mujhe
Jeeto: Kal raat tum mujhe neend mein tumne mujhe gaaliyan di
Santa: Tumhari galat fahami hai.
Jeeto: Kaisi galatfahami?
Santa: Yehi ki mein soya tha.
A man to Santa: Ur
A man to Santa: Ur friend is kissing ur wife in ur home.
Santa rushes home and came back within half an hour n slapped the man n said: He's not my friend.
SARDAR JI TOOK OUT HIS
SARDAR JI TOOK OUT HIS WALLET, IN THE BUS, HIS PHOTO FELL OUT OF HIS WALLET, HE GOES 2 A LADY,'MADAM JI SARI UPHAR KAROGE PHOTO LENA HAI, AND ALL THE OTHER MEN IN THE BUS BEATED HIM UP!!!!!!!! By Sonia
Q: A Man asked Santa,
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
At a football match ground.
At a football match ground. Santa: Ye log ball nu foot kyun maar rahe ne?
Boy: Goal karan lai.
Santa: Paar ball tan pehlan hi gol hai hor kinni gol karangey.
Santa: Im a proud father.
Santa: Im a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: Whats he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!
Jeeto: Why do Farts stink?
Santa:
Jeeto: Why do Farts stink?
Santa: So that Deaf people can enjoy them too!
Banta: What's the difference between
Banta: What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
Santa: The taste.
Banta was driving down the
Banta was driving down the highway past a sign that said, "Clean Toilets 8 Kms."
By the time he drove eight kms he had cleaned 14 toilets.
Santa found answer to the
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
Petrol ke rate badhne par
Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."
Santa: My dad was an
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.
Banta: Why is the Police
Banta: Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?
Santa: It beats, beats, beats....
Once Professor Santa asked a
Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.
A lady asked Santa: LIPTON
A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...
Santa: I kiss my wife
Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave
Santa was caught for speeding
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
Dress code 4 a party
Dress code 4 a party - BLACK TIES ONLY.
Banta goes for the party & is surprised to see that the other guests are wearing SUITS also!
Santa: Why Americans stop printing
Santa: Why Americans stop printing stamps with photo of Pamela Anderson?
Banta: Coz people started licking the wrong side of it for pasting them on the envelopes.
Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke
Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko
Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.
Santa went to battery shop
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
Santa: What's difference between man
Santa: What's difference between man & Superman?
Pappu: Man wears underwear under the trouser & superman wears it over the trouser.
Nurse came out with the newborn kid
Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, PUTTAR hua PUTTAR. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, Its a gal
Santa falls in luv with
Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
Banta ped pe chada to
Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.
Teacher: What should be in
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
Pappu while filling up a for
Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long.....!
What's Ford?
What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi
Submitted by Siddharth, SaAK
Santa and Jeeto were on
Santa and Jeeto were on an African Safari when a lion sprang out of nowhere & draged Jeeto with his jaws.
Jeeto: Shoot him, Shoot him!
Santa: I can't. I ran out of film.
Jeeto: U tell a man
Jeeto: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Santa: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth.
Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten
Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Banta: Oh! Thats terrible.
Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions."
Q: Why was Santa writing
Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.
Santa & Banta got tired
Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call.